The Year You Say YES to Therapy
I’m not going to sugarcoat it: 2020 was a challenging year for everyone. The ups and downs of 2020 have been difficult to handle. As many people use this time to reflect on the past year, I want to challenge you to make your mental health a priority for you and your family in 2021.
As we look ahead to the new year, many of the same issues and obstacles you currently face will not magically disappear. However, the beginning of a new year creates opportunity for change and renewal. Even if New Year’s resolutions aren’t your thing, the new year can be a chance to start fresh and give someone new (like therapy!) a try. The decision to start therapy is a big and exciting first step. Part of the process normally involves learning how to use therapy so it works for YOU. Many clients I work with have never been to therapy before OR had a bad experience with therapy and are looking to give therapy a second chance. I spend a lot of time helping my clients understand how to best use the hour we have together to produce the kind of change in their lives they are pursuing.
One study (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1361014/) showed that on average, people wait 11 years from when they first experience anxiety/depressive symptoms before they seek treatment. According to marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help. Gottman adds, “Couples have six years to build up resentment before they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways.” Why wait to address one of the most, if not the most important relationship in your life?
Thankfully, 2020 and the expansion of tele-health has made it more convenient and accessible than ever to seek the support you need. Therapy is an excellent way to explore your emotions, boundaries, increase your self-awareness and find new ways to cope with your stressors. I have learned some lessons about what makes for a positive therapy experience for my clients that I want to share with all of you. My hope is that these few points will help you gain more clarity and look forward to therapy with excitement and anticipation.
1. Your therapist will help you set your goals.
It can be hard to navigate the change we want to see in our lives. Therapy helps you focus on your emotional and behavioral goals. This involves recognizing feelings and developing new coping skills to develop more understanding and managing of emotions. For example, an emotional goal could be, “I want to stop feeling sad or I want to feel happier.” A behavioral goal contains the things you do that can align with your emotional goals. These can involve developing an internal skill, such as meditating or being more present. This can also involve external skill goals, such as exercising, being more intentional in relationships or making time for self-care. When you set the time aside to be intentional about noticing areas of your life you want to improve, the effects can be astounding. You are capable of more than you think!
2. It is vital that you feel safe and connected to your therapist.
I tell every person I work with that therapy will not be beneficial if they do not feel connected to their therapist. Feeling safe with your therapist is one of the most important factors in determining if you will get the most out of therapy. If I am not the right person for you, I will happily refer you to someone else. I want everyone to receive the benefits of therapy and that starts with feeling like your therapist is a good fit!
3. Therapy is your place to vent and be challenged to focus on what YOU can control.
One of the biggest gifts of being a therapist is creating a safe space for people to unleash their anxieties, hopes and fears without shame or judgment. Therapy is the place for you to be honest with yourself. Whether that means diving into your past, present or future, the transformation that can take place when you feel truly seen and heard is irreplaceable. I have seen many clients experience breakthroughs around shame, anger or anxiety when they share a piece of them that they have not been able to talk about with anyone else before. The clarity that comes from understanding yourself better AND feeling understood is life-changing.
4. Your therapist can help guide you, but it is up to you to do the work.
There is progress made in our sessions, but the real growth happens when you put what we process to work. When you take your goals, implement the skills we build together and act on them, THAT is where the magic happens. It will be hard at times, but I promise it is SO worth it. The life you are hoping for is possible.
Don’t wait another minute to seek the support you need. Do it now, and you’ll thank yourself later.
Cheers to 2020 ending and the hope of 2021,
Emily
P.S. Still on the fence? Check out my article “5 Ways Knowing Your Own Personality Can Improve Your Relationships” and take the plunge by scheduling your free consult today!