If you’re anything like me, you thought the “quarantine lockdown” would last for a week, maybe two. It is hard to believe that it has been 8 months and counting since Corona reared its ugly head. While I’m grateful for the extra time I’ve had with my kids, my husband is working from home, and I’ve cooked way more meals that I did before, I’m ready for “normal” again.

With states lifting and increasing restrictions, I thought it’d be helpful to write out a few reminder tips on how to connect & survive quarantine, even when it’s hard. I *try* my best to remember these tips for myself and for when working with clients. If you’re having a difficult time being present, showing empathy and being patient with your partner and kids right now, it makes total sense. It is hard to be kind and patient when we are feeling overwhelmed and flooded. 

1.     Wake up and practice deep breaths for 1 minute before you get out of bed. Breathe all the way in through your nose, hold your breath for 5-7 seconds and breathe all the way out. While you’re breathing, try to focus on the things you are grateful for. Don’t think about your to-do list or check your phone. For the first 1-5 minutes, lay in bed, breathe and be thankful. This will dramatically shift your mindset and energy for the day.

2.    Ask for what you need. If you have a partner, try to go over plans for the following day the night before. Have a 10 minute check-in before bed, where you review your day and talk about the next. Ask how you can be helpful and express what you need. This helps things to not pile up and promotes collaboration. Likewise, if you have kids, check-in with them before bed! Ask them what they liked about their day and let them know the plan for tomorrow (even if it looks the same!). If you know you need help with something, give them ample time to prepare and ask them if there is anything that you can do. Let them chime in on ways the day can be made fun or interesting.

3.    Celebrate the little things & give yourself a break. Literally. If you can, find 5-10 minutes throughout the day to walk away from work/the kids. It’s also important to physically leave your house, even to go for a walk or a drive. Don’t let yourself say, “I can’t remember the last time I went outside!” Try to find something fun to look forward to each day—whether it’s watching a new show when the kids go down, getting out of the house to get a drink from the drive-thru or trying out a new recipe for dinner. 

4.    Don’t neglect your friendships. Outside of my brother, my whole family resides in Ohio & Michigan. As someone who has their best friends spread out all over the country, I know how hard it can be to go long periods of time without seeing your nearest and dearest. Social medica can be a great way to keep in touch, but limit your screen time! Quarantine can increase feelings of loneliness and isolation that social media feeds on. A small gesture can help you reconnect with a friend. Look for creative ways to nourish your friendships like hopping on Marco Polo, watching movies or working through a or book together. Even though we can't bake together, think about dropping off some cookies to a friend or send them some flowers! Connect by phone, text, Facetime or send an old-fashioned letter! I’ve been pleasantly surprised how connected to my friends I can feel when I’m intentional about reaching out.

5.    Be kind to yourself. Quarantine is hard on everyone. Talk to your partner and your kids about how you’re doing. If you snap at someone you love, own it and apologize.  This response teaches your kids you aren’t perfect and shows them how to resolve conflict. After my session last night, all I wanted to do was go to bed and watch Netflix (New Girl), but I knew I had to finish my notes and put our daughters to bed. My 4 year old repeatedly asked me to read to her and snuggle. She kept trying to sit on my lap and I snapped at her: “Please stop! I’m trying to finish my work and I have so much to do still!”  She started crying. I felt guilty. I took a deep breath, apologized for snapping, asked for 5 minutes to finish what I was doing and promised I would read to her. I finished my work, read with her and we were able to connect before bedtime. 

You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s cliché, but true. Make sure you are taking care of yourself! Check in with your friends and family. Be easy on yourself. Some days will be harder than others and that’s okay. If you find that you are feeling increasingly anxious or depressed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist.

Thanks for reading!

Emily